Nothing Bends, It Only Breaks
by Smamurai
Summary: A look into the life of Remus J. Lupin. [Starts from age 5 and up] [slash] [future SBxRL]


A/N: Hello! I've always wanted to write out Remus' life so... here I am. :P This fic is going to be **slash** friendly. So please, if you don't enjoy that kind of stuff, pass this up. :) And yes, there will be porny chapters later on, but they'll be posted in my LJ (I'll give a link to them for those who are interested, but it won't be necessary). This chapter is a series of flashbacks, beginning with the Summer of 1965 to August of 1973.

Enjoy! :o!

**Disclaimer:** The characters within this story do not belong to me.

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**Chapter One: In The Beginning**

_**Summer, 1965**_

When Remus was five, he had an obsession with his Father's rickety old shed out in the backyard. He'd often climb into the rusty, memory-filled space and play with whatever his tiny little hands could grasp. And there was quite a bit to grasp. Tins full of pictures, both muggle and wizarding. Old blankets. Old stuffed animals. Just lots of _memories._

That was where he was when his whole life took a turn for the worst.

Tiny Remus didn't even have time to drop the old moth-eaten quilt he was playing with before he was screaming out in pain.

He remembered hearing the door to the back porch slam open and the loud footfalls of his Mum and Dad. His Mum had screamed when she saw what had happened to him and his Dad began hexing the werewolf until it ran off into the back woods.

Remus couldn't remember much else after that. Which is understandable. It wouldn't have surprised him if he had gone into shock after the incident. His parents told him that they'd gone to St. Mungo's.

It took his parents a long time before they could act like a normal family. His Mum was always crying and his Dad immersed himself in his work.

You can imagine how hard it was for someone so young to comprehend that they turned into a blood thirsty killer once a month. He knew that it hurt a lot. And he had cried out for his Mother the first few transformations. He didn't want to think about how hard it would've been for his Mum. To know that your child was in pain, but there was nothing you could do about it.

Remus didn't understand _why_ he couldn't play with his little cousins or any of the other kids his age anymore. He didn't know that nearly all of the people who used to love him feared him. He just wanted to do what five year olds do. But since everyone fears what they do not understand, Remus had to grow up much sooner than most children.

That was Remus' first real lesson in life.

He realized that life is never fair.

_**September, 1971**_

The first thing Remus said as he stepped onto the Hogwarts grounds was 'wow'.

It reminded him of the castles in the fairytales that his mother, Leyla Lupin, had so frequently read to him when he was younger. Remus loved to be read to before he went to sleep, he'd even settle for a cookbook if that was all his Mother had at that current time.

Sometimes, he'd think that his Mother wanted a little girl, rather than a boy. It was obvious in the way that looks of great longing came over her face whenever they passed little girls on the street. But his Mother still loved him, he knew that much. His parents wouldn't have tried so hard to... heal what he was if they both didn't.

But the fairytales his Mother always read to him... they made his heart flutter. It would feel like there were a thousand butterflies dancing about in his stomach whenever she read about the dashing knight saving the Princess.

He really wanted to be a dashing knight.

He looked up to the towers again and smiled sheepishly.

Perhaps his Princess was somewhere amidst those towers?

Remus didn't fancy himself much of a knight though. All legs and not much else at the age of eleven. His knees were scabbed and his face was pink from his vacation to the beach with his parents.

But perhaps _his_ Princess wouldn't mind the sunburnt cheeks or the knobby, scabbed up knees. Perhaps his Princess wouldn't even mind his _affliction_.

He hoped she didn't.

"Ow! Bloody imbecile! Watch what you're stepping on!" a low, very arrogant sounding voice bellowed to someone behind him.

Remus turned around to see what had happened. A small, black-haired boy was yelling at a smaller, much more greasy child.

He really wanted to stick up for the smaller boy, but his Mum had told him not to get into other peoples' business. And he _always_ listened to his Mum.

The greasy-haired boy's face was beginning to turn red, his wand held up in a threatening manner. Luckily, another dark-haired boy (with much, _much_ messier hair) whacked the wand out of the greasy-haired boy's hand.

"Greasy git. Learn some manners." The messy-haired boy was smirking down at the greasy-haired one.

Then a small, mouse-like boy behind the messy-haired one had erupted into a fit of giggles and cheers. The messy-haired boy seemed overly please with himself. And so did the arrogant boy.

Remus rolled his eyes and turned away from the mess. He felt bad for the greasy-haired boy. But he knew better than to make enemies his first day of school.

"Children!" A very imposing looking witch huffed, pulling Remus' attention away from the little spat. She motioned for them to come closer and began to explain the procedure of the sorting hat.

Remus felt himself begin to sweat. This was his big day and it was making his stomach tie up in knots. If he wasn't careful, he was sure that he'd get sick all over the place.

He was going to be _sorted. _

His mother had been a Gryffindor and his father a Hufflepuff, but they both fully expected him to be a Ravenclaw due to his obsessive thirst for knowledge. He began reading his first chapter books when he was only six. And of course, his Mother told whoever she came across about how smart her little Remmie was. Bleh.

Remus bit his lip. He didn't care where he was sorted as long as it was with nice people.

Perhaps he could even make some friends.

But who knows?

The children were rushed into the great hall, all wide eyed and brimming with excitement.

The sorting hat bellowed out its song and names began to get called off.

_I'm going to get sick! _Remus thought as he held onto his stomach.

The arrogant boy from before, Sirius Black seemed to be his name, was one of the first to go up. He looked confident enough, a smirk on his face.

The sorting hat had barely touched the top of the boy's head before it bellowed to all of the great hall, "GRYFFINDOR!"

All was silent for a moment. Gasps erupted from the Slytherin table and made Remus turn around in curiosity. It seemed as though the Slytherins were expecting Sirius... Remus looked back up at Sirius, completely surprised by the look of shock on the other boy's face.

It amused Remus how one moment, one could be so very confident in themselves and the next, they're falling apart at the seams.

Sirius slunk off to the Gryffindor table, shoulders hunched. He sat off to one side, trying to keep away from everyone else. Remus couldn't help but notice the look of worry that came from the messy-haired boy next to him.

"Remus Lupin!"

Remus jumped at the sound of his name and obviously, from the laughter that erupted in the great hall, he had jumped pretty high. He grinned sheepishly to himself and scuttled up to the hat.

It nearly enveloped his entire head when it sat on his shoulders.

"Hmm..." the sorting hat said in a curious manner, "What do we have here?"

Remus gulped and his nose twitched nervously.

"Ahh... Bit of every house in you, I see. A crave for knowledge worthy of a Ravenclaw... Such loyalty worthy of a Hufflepuff... But underneath that I see what you truly _are_..." The sorting hat whispered the last part to him so only Remus could hear.

Remus' eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he realized what the sorting hat meant. What he truly was? He was a werewolf... His stomach jumped around in a nervous mess. He just wanted to go home... Perhaps this really wasn't worth it.

"No need to fret, my child. Even though you could go places in Slytherin, being what you are and all," the sorting hat whispered the last part, "... your bravery stands out the most. Even though you're a bit reserved, you tend to come through when needed the most." The sorting hat seemed to pause for a moment before bellowing it's answer, "GRYFFINDOR!"

Remus felt as if he would faint. Gryffindor? Mum was going to be so proud! He set the hat back down on the stool and went to sit at the table, which was currently cheering for him.

He smiled, his eyes nearly disappearing from the largeness of it. He was positively beaming!

Remus stopped mentally congratulating himself for long enough to notice the 'not-so-arrogant-now' Black sulking by himself a few seats down. He scolded himself for worrying so much. But he was a Gryffindor, right? Why not exercise his bravery then?

He got up from his seat and moved to sit down by the other boy, fiddling nervously with his robes as he settled himself, "Hello."

The boy looked up, looking fairly broken for a moment. But then the look disappeared and he was once again looking into the face of arrogance.

"What do you want?" The boy said crossly.

"Just thought I'd attempt my first act of bravery." His voice squeaked when he said 'bravery', which caused the other boy to smile.

Butterflies began to fill his stomach.

Remus decided that he liked that smile very much.

"I'm Sirius Black."

The boy smiled once again and Remus felt himself begin to grin in an idiotic manner.

"I'm Remus Lupin."

They talked about quite a bit. Remus told Sirius about how much he loved books and Sirius told him that he should do Sirius' homework sometime.

Truly the beginnings of a wonderful friendship.

Soon enough the messy-haired boy, James Potter, and the mousy boy, Peter Pettigrew, had joined in their conversation. Remus learned about James' love for quidditch and Peter's love for all that James loved. (Peter didn't openly say that, but Remus figured it out on his own. Peter listened so very intently to every word that came from James Potter's mouth) He figured that he liked them all quite a bit and that these would be the people that he'd be closest to throughout his school years.

Friends...

Perhaps Hogwarts wouldn't be that bad at all...

_**November, 1972**_

Remus Lupin realized he had the three greatest friends a boy could have in his second year at Hogwarts.

Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew came up to him before James and Sirius had to head off for Quidditch practice.

"Remus." Sirius had continually shifted from foot to foot as he spoke. Nerves were definitely getting the best of him, "We know."

James nodded in agreement and Peter had looked at him fearfully.

All Remus could do was stutter and stare, "H-how?"

At the time, the question had seemed relevant. But when he looked back on it now, his affliction had been painfully obvious.

"It was kind of peculiar that your Mother was sick every full moon." James answered.

Sirius, always able to find his voice in any situation, piped in, "At first we thought it might've been your Mum who was... you know. But why would _you_ have to go visit her every full moon? Your Dad would take care of it. And anyways," Sirius reached up and squeezed his shoulder, "your Mum wouldn't want to 'hinder' your studies." Sirius grinned, "It's gonna be okay."

James had nodded as well, joining in with a smile of his own. Even Peter had seemed to calm down, seeing as how he stopped looking at Remus like he had three heads.

That was all there was to it. They knew. No one made a fuss. No friendships were lost. They told him that they knew and that was it.

Afterwards, Remus had calmed down and the boys had gone off to wreak havoc across the Hogwarts grounds. Sirius and James asked questions about what the transformations were like and Peter had listened intently.

He had never felt so at _home_ before.

And really, it was that lazy half ass grin from Sirius that told him that everything really _would_ be okay.

Sirius always gave off that vibe. That 'everything will be fine as long as I'm here' vibe. Always very protective. And James, much like the stag he would later become, was always the embodiment of calm in the worst situations possible. He may have seemed like he didn't care for much other than pranks, but he was always there for you when you needed him the most. Whereas Remus had always been the voice of reason. He thought through their plans so that they wouldn't go _too_ far. Peter went along with whatever James and Sirius said, so their group of four seemed to balance each other out perfectly.

Remus really did have the three greatest friends. And he wanted to keep it that way no matter what.

_**October, 1973**_

The day had begun like any other day, really.

Remus had gone to Divination with the rest of the third year Gryffindors and done incredibly well. He seemed to be the only one of his friends who enjoyed that class. Reading palms and tea leaves had always fascinated him, which made Sirius question why Remus was in Gryffindor instead of Ravenclaw.

"Are you sure you don't just have a thirst for _crappy_ knowledge?" Sirius had picked on him.

After he returned to the commons, Sirius had gone upstairs saying that his stomach was upset.

It was peculiar. Sirius had been like that since the first day of school. He'd avoid his fellow Gryffindors and shut himself away in the third years' dorm.

Remus had an idea as to what was causing Sirius' behavior.

Regulus.

Regulus was sorted into Slytherin and Remus knew that it had effected Sirius much more than he'd admit to. Remus tried to picture himself in Sirius' position and he wouldn't want his own flesh and blood to be sorted into Slytherin either.

"Poor Sirius..." Remus rubbed at the old divination book that was sprawled out in his lap.

"Remus?"

Remus looked up and James was looking back, "Hmm?"

"You ok?" James' eyebrows knit together.

"'m not feeling too swell. Thinking about taking a nap, actually." Remus stretched and stood up, "I'm going to head up to the dorm then."

James gave him a knowing look and Peter looked back and forth between the both of them in confusion.

He headed up the spiral staircase that led to the boys dorms, worry gripping onto his heart. _Is it really that bad? I'm not used to Sirius sulking. He's normally up and bouncing about._

When he opened the door (very, very stealthily), he heard a sniffling noise in the direction of Sirius' large four-poster.

Remus's heart wrenched around at the noise and he walked over towards Sirius' bed. "...Sirius?"

"Go 'way, Moony." Sirius mumbled, his throat sounding constricted because of his tears. "'m fine."

His friends began calling him Moony after they found out what he was. They never really talked about it much, but his friends visited him after each full moon. They'd creep into the infirmary and keep him company until Madam Pomfrey kicked them out. (Which always seemed to happen eventually.)

Sirius was there for him when he was in pain. So now it was Remus' chance to return the favor.

"You don't want to talk about it?" Remus asked, hoping that Sirius would give in.

Sirius laughed coldly, "I think I'll pass."

Remus reached out for the curtains around Sirius' bed and opened them gently. Sirius was looking back up at him, silver eyes impossibly wide and broken looking.

"Oh Sirius..." Remus sat on the side of the bed and laid a hand on Sirius' shaggy black hair, stroking gently.

Sirius buried his face in Remus' leg and continued to cry. Remus continued to stroke his friend's hair all the while in hope of making him feel better.

_It's not fair that you have to go through this, Sirius._ Remus felt his own eyes begin to swell with tears.

After Sirius' tears had died down to sniffles, he began to talk, "I'm sorry, Remus. Don't mean to act like such a skirt." He laughed dryly, "A Black reduced to tears. Wouldn't Mum love this..."

Remus' lifted his hand from Sirius' hair and patted at his back comfortingly, "Don't apologize. There's nothing to apologize for." He wondered if Sirius would be angry with him for the question he was about to ask, "...Is it because of Regulus?"

Sirius' eyes darkened and his mouth was set in a thin line.

Remus immediately regretted asking that question.

He continued to talk, "Not every Slytherin is pure evil, Padfoot. Regulus could turn out differently."

He had tried to comfort Sirius with his words, but they only seemed to piss him off more.

_Of course. I always have this luck..._ Remus thought.

"All Slytherins turn out the same way, Moony." Sirius laughed bitterly, "I would know, believe me. Nearly every Black was a Slytherin. Except me, Andromeda, and Uncle Alfred. And we're the only ones who _aren't_ 'pure evil'."

Remus shook his head, "You should have a little faith in him–"

"There's no hope for him now." Sirius said bleakly, his sniffles dying down completely.

"Sirius..." Remus felt much older than his thirteen years of age at that moment. Whenever he and Sirius were alone, Sirius seemed to confide in him. It made him feel special knowing that Sirius trusted him with these sorts of conversations. But it was also hard on him in a way... He didn't know what to say to make things better and that in turn made him feel helpless. He wasn't used to caring this much about anyone other than his parents and it scared him...

"Moony," Sirius whispered brokenly, snapping Remus out of his thoughts, "I don't want him to be like my parents." Sirius' shaggy, black hair hid his eyes, but Remus could see the tears that continued to roll down his cheeks.

He slid down onto the bed and wrapped his friend up in a bear hug, "I know you don't, Sir. Shh... it's going to be okay. Calm down."

Remus continued to pat his friend's back, his heart hurting for Sirius. He never had any siblings, but he knew what it was like to hurt.

Pain, both physical and emotional, was something that Remus J. Lupin knew how to deal with.

After a while, they both fell asleep in Sirius' bed, curled up into a little ball like puppies.

Neither James nor Peter questioned the position of their friends in Sirius' bed. James knew there had been something wrong with him and frankly, he was glad that Moony could help. James was good with having fun, where Moony was good with the serious problems. No pun intended.

And when they all woke up in the morning, Sirius was himself again. The conversation hadn't solved any real problems, but it had set Sirius' soul at ease. He thanked Remus for being such a good friend and he continued being himself again. Pranking Slytherins and wreaking havoc about Hogwarts.

Remus was glad that he could help. And he couldn't help but smile when he saw that Sirius was making sure that none of the pranks effected his little brother. After all, blood is blood. Even if it's 'bad blood' as Sirius says.

But Remus still has hope.

It's all one can have in the hardest of times. And Remus has seen some hard times in his whole 13 years.

There could be hope for Regulus yet...


End file.
